Hi People!!!!!
How are you? I’m feeling hopeful and excited for the future but also bewildered that we’ve somehow made our way to November 2020. I think many people tend to jump straight from Halloween to Christmas, which I normally wouldn’t oppose given Thanksgiving’s complete mediocrity, but in an effort to slow down the passage of time this year, I’m choosing to acknowledge it with this newsletter and hopefully make it a little more stylish.
Thanksgiving outfits inspired by stereotypical family members
I don’t think I’m alone in saying that Thanksgiving is by far the least exciting holiday of the season. I’m fairly certain people were just bored between Halloween and Christmas and thought it would be a fun prank to pull on the Native Americans before we stole all their shit. Despite it’s questionable (at best) origins and disappointing cuisine, I do appreciate the moment to pause and express gratitude for all of our blessings before we launch into the capitalist orgy that rages on from Black Friday until New Years (of which I am an only slightly reluctant participant). So I will be doing just that in exactly one newsletter to get it out of the way before I move on to the much more sartorially exciting holidays.
So much of Thanksgiving is about spending time with family of course. For some, this is a lovely, wholesome experience, and for others, it’s an excellent source of meme inspiration. It’s only a matter of time before the internet starts churning out viral content about the racist uncles and awkward cousins we all know and love (deep, deep, DEEP down). Every family dynamic is different, but we all have our own versions of these Thanksgiving archetypes. While I might not be a great memer, I can certainly tell you what they’d be wearing if your entire wacko family was also incredibly chic.
Disclaimer: None of these characters are based on members of my own family, I swear.
The grandfather who eats five plates of food and immediately falls asleep in front of the TV
This man is here for the food and the food alone. He will speak to almost no one, and that’s probably for the best. Your grandfather might not literally show up in his boxers, but I promise he wants to. He gives absolutely zero fucks about what any of you young people think about him (hence the shades). His outfit choices are seeking pure comfort for his inevitable food coma from which he’ll wake up with a myriad of food stains and extremely rumpled hair. He is the only person that isn’t at least mildly stressed out about this occasion, and for that, I salute him.
The cousin who turns every conversation into a political debate
The election may be over (hopefully!!), but this cousin thrived on the drama of agitating your pro-Trump relatives. She’s experiencing a mild bout of depression now that some of the collective rage has dissipated, but she’ll come into Thanksgiving hot and ready to argue about how the election was stolen from Bernie Sanders. Her mom begged her not to wear the ByeDon sweater, and her father has been avoiding eye contact since they arrived. Her outfit costs more than anyone else in attendance.
The uncle who regrets sending said cousin to a liberal arts school
Halfway to sleepy grandpa territory, the only reason he’s wearing real pants is because his wife forced him to. He sees Thanksgiving as a day to celebrate everything American: family, football, freedom, and overeating. “Not socialism god dammit!” His outfit is imbued with the same red blooded American spirit with just a hint of classic dad humor. He keeps kicking the wrong person under the table every time he hears the word “privilege,” forgetting that move stopped working on his children years ago anyway.
The very nosy, very drunk aunt
While portrayals of this particular trope range from day-ruining to harmlessly passive, I appreciate that she is the only one walking into this day ready to party, and her outfit reflects that attitude. She will bust out the wine immediately upon arrival and demand the soundtrack match the vibes of her favorite dive bar. While your older, stuffier aunts might keep asking you about your last boyfriend, she only wants to know about your last orgasm. If she does have kids, she has no idea where they are.
The mom who has been “slaving away in the kitchen all day” (the caterers used the back door)
She’s putting way too much pressure on herself to effortlessly pull off a feast for her relatives, and while she’s mostly keeping her cool, there’s a little bit of crazy in her eyes warning her children to not fuck this up. She 100% believes her graphic tee choice will make everyone think she’s very chill, but she’s quietly chanting “tutto bene” under her breath after someone spills another glass of red wine. She will definitely interrupt numerous political conversations throughout the day by stuffing everyone’s face with pie while smiling like a crazed maniac.
The very cool sibling who makes all of this tolerable
You will spend the entire day laughing at your insane relatives from a safe distance together. She’s the one you can shoot a look at across the dinner table anytime the conversation gets dicey or awkward or a tiny bit racist. Her outfit is made up of quintessentially cool girl brands that she knew about before anyone else. None of your relatives understand what she does for a living, and she probably brought a little bit of pot in her purse.
Which of these styles is most aligned with your Thanksgiving look? I will probably end up somewhere between drunk aunt and sleepy grandpa.
Recs of the week
Rewatch Schitt’s Creek. It only gets better the second time around. If you haven’t watched it yet, what are you doing?
If you face daily screen migraines like me, get yourself a pair of blue light glasses. I was skeptical, but they actually work!
Toast some slivered almonds, and throw them in your salad. Not to be dramatic, but this changed my life.
Follow @jaredfreid on Instagram in anticipation of his very funny holiday tweets (the exact type of content that inspired this week’s newsletter). Here’s last year’s from Thanksgiving as a pregame.
Thanks for reading this week’s newsletter! I hope it brought a little lightness and inspiration to your day. As always, if you have any questions, please send them my way by replying to this email or commenting on the post. I’m always looking to give my opinion, qualified or not. You can further support this newsletter by forwarding it to a friend or sharing it on social media. It lessens the burden of my own self-promotion which I greatly appreciate! See ya next week and the week after that, forever and ever, okay byeeeeeee!
Cheers,
Maddy
Remember, “Happy Turkey Day” isn’t really directed at celebrating the food! 😎
I’m definitely seeing my style in the regretful uncles outfit !