Hi People!!!!!
Now that we got Thanksgiving over with in last week’s newsletter, it’s time to move on to the much more exciting holidays, and by more exciting I mean the ones that involve gifts! My intention when I started this newsletter was to create my own version of the gift guides you see from every retailer and publication this time of year, a glorious list of my tasteful picks for your moms, dads, lovers, and friends, but I quickly realized that I know absolutely nothing about your loved ones. And unlike the good people of Vogue and Shopbop, I have no monetary incentive or sales motivation to feed you a completely impersonal (albeit beautifully curated) list of products that may or may not be relevant to your friends and family. Maybe this is obvious to the rest of you, but I’ve only just realized that the sole difference between the pair of earrings on the “gifts for mom” list and every other pair of earrings on the site is probably available inventory and sales goals. So instead, I’ve decided to compile my best tips for being really good at buying presents sans generic gift guide. I am, of course, really good at buying presents.
Good gifts 101
As with almost everything, I have a lot of opinions about gift giving. Like most people, I love receiving gifts, but a bad gift can take the gesture from an act of love to something that makes me question if the giver even knows me at all. And I’m convinced that most people fall into the bad gift giver category. I won’t go into specifics about unfortunate gifts I’ve received as I might offend a few subscribers, but there have been many. The worst gifts though, are the ones that feel like they have absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s painfully obvious when you open that type of gift that the giver either didn’t want to put the thought into picking out something you might actually like (a waste of money for them) or they simply have no clue what interests you. This might be fine coming from a random coworker or acquaintance you were paired with for a secret Santa exchange, but from a close friend or relative it can sting a little bit. Maybe this doesn’t matter so much depending on your love language (I took a quiz and scored equally on all of them except for acts of service, which explains a lot about my life), but everyone enjoys a gift that surprises, delights, and conveys understanding of the recipient. During this time of year when gift giving is the norm, you might as well avoid wasting your time and money on junk your loved ones will immediately regift or throw away by getting good at gifting (like me, duh). With this in mind I’ve laid out some ground rules.
A good gift falls into one of two categories but ideally both: genuinely useful or aesthetically pleasing. Anything else falls into the dreaded junk category. (I guess this is true of products in general and yet there is still so much junk produced, so stick with me.) This sounds incredibly simple, but since beauty and practicality are both in the eye of the beholder, it also requires the gift to be personalized to the recipient. This means you have to actually know something about the person in question, and to know something about them, you have to pay attention to what they say and do. To most, a paisley printed golf polo is neither beautiful nor functional, but to my golf-obsessed father it might as well be a design masterpiece. In the worst case scenario, even if the gift isn’t quite their style or they already have something similar, they will at least feel like you spent a little time thinking about them before you picked something out. Even if you’re latching on to the one fact you know about someone, I guarantee there’s a way to make it into a gift if you try hard enough. The recipient will appreciate that you remember even one personal thing about them, which is what we all really want after all, for someone to notice what makes us special.
Do not buy someone any kind of home decor or knick knack unless you’ve actually been to their home. Even if you have been to their home, take a minute to contemplate if they would ever put the gift you’re considering on display. Is their home funky and colorful or understated and simple? Does this gift fit into that style? If someone’s walls are covered in abstract art, they probably do not want your “live, laugh, love” poster, no matter how cute you think it is. (That example was for hyperbolic purposes, let’s just stop buying that type of wall art altogether.) If their apartment is mostly clutter-free with lots of clean, empty surfaces, they probably do not want any kind of tchotchke. They might really love their dog, but a pillow featuring the breed just might not be their jam. Slow down with the Home Goods purchases, and actually try to picture the item in question in their home. If it feels a little weird, it probably is.
The more someone loves fashion, the less they want you to buy clothes for them. It sounds counterintuitive, but as someone who’s entire life revolves around fashion and style, I promise the “fashionista” of your friend group does not want you to pick out their clothes. That’s why we love it so much, the creativity and freedom of dressing ourselves. There are exceptions to this of course. My mom knows my style really well, so she has successfully picked things out for me. And once I received a pair of boots from my friend Peyton that I wore to death. But for the most part, this is dangerous territory. People like me have very specific tastes, so unless you absolutely nail it like Peyton, it will probably hang in my closet haunting me, the fact that it was a gift keeping me from giving it away. You should not make this purchase thinking, “Oh, they might like this.” It needs to be a “Oh my god this just screams Maddy Paul” kind of moment. I’m using myself as an example, but you get the point. Tread lightly in the fashion category.
One considered, higher-quality item is better than lots of little generic items. Maybe it’s the stocking stuffer mentality, but I’ve never understood why people spend so much money filling a bag with lots of little half-ass items that could’ve come out of a goody bag at a women’s empowerment conference or corporate retreat. Sure, they might hang on to one or two things, but overall it feels generic and wasteful. For the same amount of money you could get one item they’d be genuinely excited about, and I promise feeling like someone understands you is a greater serotonin boost than unwrapping ten bath bombs and face masks from the dollar section at Target that will most definitely give you a rash.
Don’t put so much faith in generic gift guides. Like I said in the intro, that “gifts for mom” post may have some good ideas, but it isn’t a guarantee that any of the items listed are right for your mom. You know your mom better than a random list on the internet!!!! Try looking for inspiration based on a specific interest or characteristic of the giftee in question. There are tons of lists out there for everyone from fitness lovers to home cooks to lizard enthusiasts that will be much better tailored to the individual. Still, you should always trust your own judgement and intimate knowledge of your loved ones above all else.
Destigmatize giving socks. And gift cards. But not just any socks and gift cards! These too should be thoughtful purchases. Kitschy socks can be cute, but I don’t want them as a gift. Nobody needs a pair of avocado-printed socks, and absolutely no one needs to unwrap Christmas-themed socks on Christmas. They have to wait another year to even wear them!!!!!!! Everyone wears socks, but no one likes to spend money on them (unless you’re a psycho like me), so get them a fancy pair they may not have indulged in for themselves but will definitely enjoy. Yes this is another plug for Comme Si. Not sponsored, just obsessed. Gift cards are a similarly shamed holiday gift. While they don’t really incite the same excitement as a specific and well-thought-out present, they’re certainly more useful than a candle whose smell makes you nauseous. The key with gift cards is to get specific. Unless the recipient is one of those girls whose entire personality revolves around loving Starbucks or Target, gift cards to those kinds of places feel pretty unspecial. Take the extra step to pick out a gift card that you couldn’t have impersonally mailed out to every person on your list. Go for one from their favorite local boutique or a restaurant they’ve mentioned wanting to try or a specialty store related to one of their hobbies. They’ll probably feel seen and heard by your choice and relieved that you didn’t try to pick out something particular that they’d have to go through the trouble of returning for store credit anyway.
Unfortunately, there’s no simple formula to picking out a great gift every single time. In order to be better at buying gifts, you kind of need to practice being a better person. I’m equally if not dramatically more guilty of spending too much time worrying about my own life. I certainly have days where I tune out the people around me, focusing on the internal crisis du jour. I can think back to more than a few gatherings where I talked a lot more than I listened, and probably left people around me feeling pretty shitty. My aptitude for gift giving is largely in spite of those character flaws. So before you rush out to the stores this holiday season, panic buying random gifts and hoping for the best, take some time out of your busy schedule to actually check in with your loved ones. Listen to their problems, celebrate their joys, and explore their latest interests. That quality time in and of itself may just be the best gift of all.
Highly specific gift ideas
Instead of creating a gift guide by budget or family member, I plan to include a few gift ideas inspired by specific personality traits and interests in each newsletter for the next few weeks. Even if none of these descriptions match people on your list, I hope it will get you thinking about the kinds of personal details that might coordinate with a great gift.
A Crown Affair hair care set for the person who brushes their hair 100 times per day Marcia Brady style.
A decorative cake stand for the person who bakes extravagant, gluten-free cakes.
The We’re Not Really Strangers deep conversation-starting game for the chronic oversharer.
A Rowing Blazers remake of a sweater worn by Princess Diana for the person who wakes up in the middle of the night to watch the royal weddings. Or really loves The Crown.
A monogrammed Clare V jewelry roll for the person who takes way too much pride in never checking a bag.
A Fashion In Film coffee table book for the person who loves Breakfast At Tiffany’s but doesn’t want cheesy Audrey Hepburn pop art on their walls.
Like I said, I plan to include some of these in each of my newsletters for the duration of the holiday season, so feel free to email me descriptors of people on your list. I would be thrilled to do some of your shopping for you.
And a few things from my own wishlist
In case you need inspiration for what to ask for this year or you just want to buy me something ;)
Thank you so much for reading this week’s newsletter! I hope it made you feel a little more prepared to enter this hectic season. Please submit any and all gifting, style, or life related questions by commenting on this post or replying to this email. I’ll be happy to answer them. I still really want to get a Q&A section popping, but I need your Qs in order for that to happen!!!! Have a fantastic week and know that I’m sending you love with all my very needy love languages.
Cheers,
Maddy
Love this! How have I never heard of WNRS game?! Just ordered it!
Keep on preachin, girl . We out here in the pews
Xx